My Story Page 40: Possession

 

And then happened the tragedy.

Possession defeated passion!

Hard luck, humanity!

Suddenly the lady stopped coming altogether.

I thought she might have fallen ill, but she had not.

She just didn’t turn up for long.

In fact, she was not to come any more.

Much later a common friend told what all had happened with her.

It was like this:

In her creative enthusiasm of discovering in her body all that she hadn’t done through the entire course of her physiotherapy training, she gave a telephone call to her fiancé who was a major in the army, describing to him all the wonderful process she had been going through the past few days.

And then it happened.

Her fiancé strictly told her to immediately discontinue doing what all it was.

He must have gone jealous, not of me (he didn’t even know me!), but of his own sense of possession -an emotion!

She succumbed to it - a compromise - again an emotion, not the passion!

And this was the end of it.

When I heard of it, I laughed.

I laughed not at anyone but at the psyche we humans develop the moment we get engaged to someone.

We start possessing the other.

Where does this feeling of possession creep in, from?

Possession makes the other MY PROPERTY.

And why for that matter, does the other fall prey to this trap of possession that her/his partner laid for her/him?

Simply because the other also plans to do the same with her/his partner!

That makes the both feel safer in their relationship.

In fact, the thing called relationship has to be saved like this only.

Relationship is not something as dynamic as interaction is.

Interaction demands no future commitment - it is every moment new and that is what its beauty is.

But relationship is like chewing the cud of interaction again and again, though stale and stagnant!

It goes on going more and more dull and boring with the passage of time.

That is why it uses the tool of possession to safeguard its existence!

Or else it would be dead within no time!

Wherever relationship is, possession does creep in.

We humans do not live with passion. We live our life with emotions.

We do not have enough energy to live in the domain of fresh interaction always, without ever slipping into the trap of extending the same to the stale relationship, trying to relive the living interaction with the help of its dead body that relationship is.

We mock the energy of life.

That is what the world culture is!

The culture of possessing permanently rather than of being and acting every moment anew!

The more possessions I have with me, the richer I go!

And the richer I go, the safer I am!

(His doors are open for everyone but for the rich!)

Possession gives us safety and security.

We are emotional and scared people who are avoiding living life with all its suspense of utmost uncertainty, its passion of bubbling energy and its beauty of everything new every moment!

We lack energy to do so.

Hence we settle down in relationships and drag a mediocre life along, getting our solace from our possessions rather than the joy of interaction with our fellow human beings on earth!

My Story Page 39: Passion

 

Came session two…

And suspense turned passion!

As we started from our state of heightened suspense, we were taken reeling together into the whirls of a maddening energy, which ultimately landed us onto our pelvic beds.

We were sitting at the center of our pelvic beds.

This center was one single point that was touching our chairs we were sitting in.

Our bodies were in a perfect ready position.

They were almost touching each other.

But not at a single point did they touch the other.

Sitting at the exact center of the pelvic bed was giving our bodies an upward push by an extremely piercing energy that re-postured them (our bodies) in their wildest gesture and turned our wondering suspense into a burning passion.

But we would not touch each other!

Passion ran high.

Every single organ of our bodies had turned into a burning torch of passion.

These torches would not stay passive!

They started playing with their counterparts.

They would come closer, then still closer, and then the closest, and then jump suddenly back only to come closer again!

It turned into a dance.

The dance of passion!

There was a flow in our movements.

It was the coolest thing on earth.

The burning passion was the coolest fire I ever encountered in my life!

There was no emotion in between the two of us.

We were in no hurry to touch each other.

In fact we knew we never would!

We were cool.

That was the condition of our game of passion we were playing with each other!

I asked her if the center of the pelvic bed was the point of connection between the body and the mind.

Her eyes looked straight into mine.

She did not reply.

“Is it not on the top of the head?” - she spoke out after around 30-40 seconds.

I put my hand on the top of her head.

It was taut.

“And the jaws?” - I touched the alignment between the two jaws of hers.

“These collarbones?” - her fingers were on my collarbones touching my neck on both the sides.

“But then the scapulae?” - I was touching her scapulae beautifully tucked-in into the plainness of her upper back at the two extremities of theirs, the upper and the lower protrusions which was imparting the most beautiful postural shape to her chest as well as to her breasts!

“Feel your plexus!” - she was indicating to the solar plexus raised high and pulled back on the spine.

“Where, in your body, are you feeling your passion centered?” - I asked her looking deep into her eyes.

Her eyes entered into mine, as if they were searching for the answer into them somewhere. Our bodies were positioned half a millimeter apart from each other and we were pondering upon the most basic question of the seat of passion in the human body.

We were walking on the cool fire of hot passion - barefooted, together!

 

My Story Page 38: Suspense

 

The session with the physiotherapist ended in a suspense.

But not in a draw!

It had taken us miles from where we were.

But what were we heading toward?

Agreed, we had shrunk back to our narrow individual shells again, but we had passed through a process that had taken us almost to the edge of space and time.

The time had almost stood still.

The space had shrunk to as small as one single point on the face of the other.

We had almost come out of our self onto, and into the point we were looking at.

Our bodies had learnt a new wisdom that filled them with a cool, wild energy running through every single pore like the flow of blood all through it.

From here, now where?

Our session had ended in suspense.

We didn’t have any blueprint of the process, and it was this that had turned it so.

We were breaking an entirely new ground.

What if it gave way beneath our feat?

We would be standing nowhere!

Were we ready to perpetually go on living under the uncertain threat of this perennial suspense that could take us anywhere reeling through the unknown domains of experiencing maddening energy together?

What will happen in the next sessions of the project?

We were learning to live in suspense, with IT!

And that is what we do NOT do in our everyday mundane life!

We want conclusions fast.

Uncertainty scares us to a chill running down the spine.

Only, in our case, it had started running UP the spine and that was what gave us energy to stand the uncertainty we were passing through!

In the so-called normal life, chill runs DOWN the spine.

That renders us energy less.

The body droops DOWN and IN.

Learning to live with uncertainty is the most important knowledge on earth, in life!

We cannot keep this much energy in our body that this uncertainty needs to stay in it.

In fact, uncertainty is what the reality of life is!

Who knows what is going to happen the very next moment?

But we want to predict.

And we want to plan!

And then we get attached with our predictions and planning.

And then we start assigning to them the tags of ultimate truth, scientific facts, astrological knowledge, psychological compulsions, economical behavior, social trends, statistical data, historical necessities, political certainties, moral bindings, and what else not!

We live, as well as we want to live, with our blue prints ready to show us every direction at every turn of our life.

We miss the beauty of living in suspense, with IT!

Although we masturbate with it at many artificial levels, like through watching suspense movies (in fact, suspense is the spice that makes any and every story interesting!), playing gambles, fixing bets, racing horses, organizing world cups, fighting world wars, and like!

As it comes to living with it every single moment, we turn restless and take impulsive decisions to reach a conclusion as fast as possible.

We do not dwell deep INTO the daily questions of life.

We do not have the patience to do that.

Our bodies cannot tolerate the stretch of it - UP and OUT!

They have been habituated of living DOWN and IN!

Suspense - the real one, affecting our life in a factual way; and not only the suspense of entertainment - tends to set it right - UP and OUT.

But our bodies resist it and as a result, mind goes restless.

We simply lose our patience and take a decision in a hurry, and thus end all the suspense associated with it.

If we could keep it long, it would sure turn into the real joy of life; exactly like it provides the temporarily fabricated thrill as the biggest spice of entertainment world.

That one is artificial, so its joy is artificial too, i.e., mere thrill!

But if it is real, i.e., affecting the life, the joy is real too; as well as it is perennial - forever!

We two were LIVING the ultimate suspense now!

My Story Page 37: Time

What is moment?

Moment to moment, every single moment!

Time is a continuum.

Of what?

Of the perception of change!

Not of change!

But of the perception of change!

Now, for the perception of change to be there; you need comparing the perception with the memory of perception.

That means your perception gets divided between sensing and remembering.

The intensity of sensation gets diluted.

Passion goes diluted.

Passion, when diluted, turns into emotion.

So, time is an emotional entity in itself!

But we were not emotional, at least for each other; when we were together - that physiotherapist and I!

Time stood still for us.

And as it stood still, space shrunk in front of our eyes too.

I could not see her full face in one single go.

I only saw a single pore of it. The rest of the face was blurred whereas the one single pore was having extraordinarily acute clarity of vision in my eyes.

To see her full, I had to scan her face.

I scanned it pore by pore, every pore being extraordinarily acute as my eye scanned it through.

I loved seeing her.

No, I did not fall in her love.

I loved her.

I was at the peak of my energetic self that had come out of my individual shell of my petty self through my eyes to be one with the pore of her face that I was going on scanning one by one by one…

…Yeah! That is what love is!

I loved her.

I did not fall in love with her.

I loved seeing her.

I was not in a hurry to gulp her down through my eyes.

Had I been (in the hurry), I would not have been able to see her pore by pore with such acute clarity.

Falling in love is being in a hurry to gulp the other down.

That is not love!

The moment stands still in love.

And then it keeps moving pore by pore by pore…point by point by point!

It turns dynamic while still standing still!

All memory takes a back seat in the awareness.

No comparison is there, left to be done.

No change is there to be perceived.

It is every moment anew.

Love without falling in love.

Love through seeing one single point without being in a hurry to see the whole full, in one single go.

Hurry kills love.

Hurry kills passion.

Hurry kills energy.

Hurry is the seed of time that grows in the soil of greed.

Everything on earth turns time-bound with a deadline to deliver.

The greed of GETTING more and more and more…

…And quick and fast and soon!

The anxious success sits on the wheel, and the curious love takes the back seat in the car that our life is!

The pursuit of success is a state of perennial war with, potentially, any and everyone around us.

We do not have time to see a thing clear, point by point by point!

We are practical people!

Ah, what a beautiful word have we coined to mask our ugly selfishness!

We live a successful but energy-less life.

But we CAN live energy and we CAN live love.