My Story Page 38: Suspense

The session with the physiotherapist ended in a suspense.

But not in a draw!

It had taken us miles from where we were.

But what were we heading toward?

Agreed, we had shrunk back to our narrow individual shells again, but we had passed through a process that had taken us almost to the edge of space and time.

The time had almost stood still.

The space had shrunk to as small as one single point on the face of the other.

We had almost come out of our self onto, and into the point we were looking at.

Our bodies had learnt a new wisdom that filled them with a cool, wild energy running through every single pore like the flow of blood all through it.

From here, now where?

Our session had ended in suspense.

We didn’t have any blueprint of the process, and it was this that had turned it so.

We were breaking an entirely new ground.

What if it gave way beneath our feat?

We would be standing nowhere!

Were we ready to perpetually go on living under the uncertain threat of this perennial suspense that could take us anywhere reeling through the unknown domains of experiencing maddening energy together?

What will happen in the next sessions of the project?

We were learning to live in suspense, with IT!

And that is what we do NOT do in our everyday mundane life!

We want conclusions fast.

Uncertainty scares us to a chill running down the spine.

Only, in our case, it had started running UP the spine and that was what gave us energy to stand the uncertainty we were passing through!

In the so-called normal life, chill runs DOWN the spine.

That renders us energy less.

The body droops DOWN and IN.

Learning to live with uncertainty is the most important knowledge on earth, in life!

We cannot keep this much energy in our body that this uncertainty needs to stay in it.

In fact, uncertainty is what the reality of life is!

Who knows what is going to happen the very next moment?

But we want to predict.

And we want to plan!

And then we get attached with our predictions and planning.

And then we start assigning to them the tags of ultimate truth, scientific facts, astrological knowledge, psychological compulsions, economical behavior, social trends, statistical data, historical necessities, political certainties, moral bindings, and what else not!

We live, as well as we want to live, with our blue prints ready to show us every direction at every turn of our life.

We miss the beauty of living in suspense, with IT!

Although we masturbate with it at many artificial levels, like through watching suspense movies (in fact, suspense is the spice that makes any and every story interesting!), playing gambles, fixing bets, racing horses, organizing world cups, fighting world wars, and like!

As it comes to living with it every single moment, we turn restless and take impulsive decisions to reach a conclusion as fast as possible.

We do not dwell deep INTO the daily questions of life.

We do not have the patience to do that.

Our bodies cannot tolerate the stretch of it - UP and OUT!

They have been habituated of living DOWN and IN!

Suspense - the real one, affecting our life in a factual way; and not only the suspense of entertainment - tends to set it right - UP and OUT.

But our bodies resist it and as a result, mind goes restless.

We simply lose our patience and take a decision in a hurry, and thus end all the suspense associated with it.

If we could keep it long, it would sure turn into the real joy of life; exactly like it provides the temporarily fabricated thrill as the biggest spice of entertainment world.

That one is artificial, so its joy is artificial too, i.e., mere thrill!

But if it is real, i.e., affecting the life, the joy is real too; as well as it is perennial - forever!

We two were LIVING the ultimate suspense now!